10 September 2012

He says She says

She says: "you're a challenge!"
I say: "you're not"

She says: "Do you remember me?"
I say: "sure don't"

She says: "Why don't we talk anymore?"
I say: "..."

Women have lost their luster... And I'm a little scared of what it might mean.  I'm jaded and done with love and so certain it won't happen but kind of hoping that it does... Lost loves and all that.  And it's annoying me.

Okay, it's not love I want-well not how you think of it.  Sure, tons of girls are pretty, some are charming, a few are vapid but great at sex and I can have them all.  But none, at least none at the moment, are in tune with me.  It's almost like a duty for me.  These girls need to know what it's like to actually have a charming, quality man.  I love them each and I can bring them all very real joy but I'm not happy.... In return all I ask is someone I can admire and respect that gives me a few moments of distraction... happiness really.  But a different kind of happiness.  None of them GET me.  Not really.  They just see me as edgy, or funny, or whatever else it is that attracts them.  But they don't innovate, they don't run with my thoughts and anticipate, they aren't hilarious, they don't challenge me....they are eventually boring.  And I can't share my life with them like I want to-they wouldn't get it or appreciate it.  What I do...It's a devotion but not a passion.  It's a chore not my hobby.  It's a healing love that I need to do, not always what I want to do.

Sure it comes with it's own high quality problems.  Most guys whine pathetically about not being able to talk to girls.  Others read some pick up manual to learn to be douchey.  I don't, I just go and love and explore the feminine.  Within this past week that I've assumed my "duty", as if blood was cast into the water, they have come.  Hungry, desperate, and craving my love.  Blond at the bar can't help but exude a... "talk to me" vibe.  Some sort of recent break up, obviously newly single and trying to get back in the game-she mistakes my sweeping glance for interest and won't stop trying to bring me over.  Next bar, I'm bored and quietly exploring the roof (like any good ninja) while my female friend puts the moves on her fella.  A new girl attempts to talk me out of my roof exploration.  Overly cautious, rule bound, and definitely motherly she's not my type at all.  But her friend wants me and is just charming enough to grab my interest.  The bus, another one-sexy silver highlights and a deceptively laid back attitude...  Everywhere.  I don't want for women, they want for me.  And these girls adore me but I'm scared I'll never find that happiness again- that this jaded, mostly bored with women person is just who I am now-not a phase.  It's the lot in life that I've taken.  Fate or not, it's where I am.  And I'll do it-when I admire them.

But some days.... a lot of days, I don't have to like it.  God damn my charming self.  And god has, if you believe in that sort of thing.  :D


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    1. @Sheila... I was going to reply to your comment! Why would you delete?!?!?! Gah, you have no idea how excited I was to have someone actually reading this that was just a random stranger... Anyway, thanks a lot for your support.. I mean it. I know everyone says life will get better and that I'll find my next one and all that.. I don't really think so and I'm really okay with it. I'm fine being a whore. But I do really like your comments... I've added the book you recommended to my list. Also, how did you find my blog? Because I live where you do!!! Thanks for the offer of internet friendship but your deleting of comments.. does that mean internet friendship withdrawn? Do I need to sic my chinchilla on you? If not, hell maybe we could be friends in real life? Thanks again for commenting and for the book recommendation and the advice. :D

  3. I felt like maybe I came off as presumptuous, and did not want to offend you. That's not what I'm about. I was just giving my point of view. The first delete was on accident. It showed me that I posted it twice, so I tried to delete one and then it got rid of them both. T.T

    No, you can be my friend. You obviously are stalking me on my blog now. I was serious about my opinion though. I'm kind of glad you got to read it before I thought it was stupid and deleted it. I guess I don't talk to people online enough to know how to interact with them, besides my friends. ><

    I have no idea how I found your ninja website. All I know is that your thing really reminded me of this ninja guy that used to post videos on youtube. Have you heard of Ask A Ninja? He came out with a book after all those videos, I believe. I really enjoyed reading your posts though. I think I've just been really craving a good read, because I've been so caught up in movies and shows. The book is still amazing (yoga one). I still recommend it. And since I guess we live in the same area, my offer to read it to you is still up. I can't guarantee you that your life will get better. Hell, every time I think that about my own life it gets worse and worse. I'm sure though that I have to overcome some of this crap in my life though. I guess I have faith that things will get better. Hopefully I don't get killed off before things do. :P

    I was wondering who was looking into my blog, because no one uses Google +. My friends who have accounts don't use it. I used to have a Xanga, and loved it so much. Sorry my thoughts don't come out in order, I'm a little random. With finding someone, like I mentioned before, trying to balance that many girls is not the way to find someone truly ideal for you. You mentioned mixing names of pets, and random stuff, because it's hard to remember and get things straight. ^^;

    Yea, you need to find balance. Maybe date less girls if you still want to date, but get to know them. Set a reasonable time say # of months to get to know that person, and re-evaluate your relationship then. For me, personally, I can tell within a couple minutes of talking to a person if it's a no or yes or maybe. I really have tunnel vision when I like someone though, so I don't think polygamy would ever work out for me. Your chinchilla would have to face three cats to get to me. Your chinchilla would be dead. One of my cats is feral. Out of my own experience, I can say he rips through flesh with his saber tooth fangs really easily. It hurts like a bitch.


Leave a comment or I'll punch my cat. Also, be cool about it. You don't have to agree and debate is encouraged but hateful or ignorant talk won't be tolerated.