Do stuff NOW (Advice soapbox)

So as I poke around with businesses and generally waste time I come across ideas and things worth passing along.  Here's an awesome idea by Derek Sivers found in his uncommon sense vid which I highly recommend checking out.  Best thing I got from it was this idea that you need to do tons of prep work to make your dreams happen.  Like for a business you need to spend weeks developing a business plan and getting a projected budget and raising capital and all this bull shit.  

Sivers-who's done it-instead says there's something you can do RIGHT NOW.  Like immediately and it doesn't have to be business oriented or whatever it can be your dream.  One of my friends said she wants to create a place where it's okay to talk about depression and suicidal thoughts.  Way more people have them than talk about them.  I didn't think of it at the moment but I'm going to challenge her by asking what can she do now to effect that change.  Likewise, I want a world where sex is more talked about and fun and free from the harsher religious judgments that we've all likely dealt with.  So.. I'm ridiculously blunt and frank about sex in general.  My closest friends know way too much about my penis (male and female alike... lol), I'm candid about when I want someone and sometimes probably too honest.  But it's in reaction to the opposite and the damage I've seen repression cause.  

There is always something you can do now.  Another company (that does programming nerdery if you must know) called Stack Overflow agrees in their presentation called "Stop sucking and Be Awesome Instead".  Honestly it's an idea you'll hear a lot.  Encapsulated in a clever saying from Sivers: "If you're not embarrassed by your first attempt, you're starting too late!"  ... or something like that.  I mighta minced the words but you should watch the Siver videos anyway.  

I like to live my philosophies as I prescribe them so check my blog.  If you're reading this you can peruse and it's kind of terrible isn't it?  Don't tell me, I know!  And I don't share with friends because I'm embarrassed.  However, I'm trying to make some changes and in a week, regardless of where the blog is I'm going to publish and show it to my friends.  Embarrassed or not, I need to live this as much as you do.  So come on random reader who probably doesn't exist!  Let's DO THIIIIIIIISSSSS!!!!    

Goal Status

So after looking over the wopping amount of posts on this blog (5 maybe) I realize I don't exactly know what I aim to write about. Or that I'm away from what I want to write about. Most of it's about my sex life which really only encompasses one goal. Still it's almost the only one I've really made big progress on so perhaps I'm excused?

Not like anyone really reads this anyway but I'd like to make my life more interesting so my blog becomes more interesting. So here's a quick one or two sentence update on each of the 7 goals I'm working on right now.

Goal 3: Develop a muse (business that requires little or no work from me for day to day ops) or two or three so I can have freedom to travel and to accomplish the rest of my goals.

Status: Have four ideas with three no-cost test pages ready to go live to see if there's a market at all.

Next step: Find a way to test the fourth idea and go live with all. Will keep posted on which are profitable and will tell you what they are. Let's leave the embarrassing failures out- for my pride because a few of them are somewhat embarrassing even if successful.

Goal 4: Drop to between 8 and 12% body fat.

Status: Pursuing workout plan but unable to maintain diet.

Next step: since my income is coming back to “profitable”, invest in better foods and follow my diet al a 4 Hour Body.

Goal 5: Corrupt / Teach 10 people my own brand of martial arts.

Status: Refining curriculum with star student.

Next step: Continue refining curriculum and begin marketing for more students.

Goal 9 AND 10: Go to a nude beach/resort AND get certified in Krav Maga.

Status: Made a nudist friend, who's also my martial arts student and is totally down to travel and do this!

Next Step: Develop a budget for a trip to CA and get certified (up to level 2) and visit a nudist place while there.

Goal 12: Develop an Iron Man-esque pseudo AI virtual assistant to help with digital tasks and to talk to me all snarky like.

Status: Pursuing programming curriculums from my college.

Next step: Finish curriculums, explore droid programming (for the app side) and stand on the shoulders of giants by looking at previous works (see book *iinclude amazon link)

Goal 28: Apprehend a fugitive

Status: Still in planning phase but hope to make contact with a few agencies in CA and see how open they are to the idea of allowing me and another to hunt for a week or two.

Huzzah! Huzzah for Deez nuts. That's the status on each of the goals I'm currently working on. Will include videos and more interesting bits as they happen. Don't worry, I have no clue what I'm doing.

A Perfect Moment With You

The love that will never be...

You started as my student... with a deep need to feel safe again? Or as I learn more maybe just to feel normal? You're using me to overcome some demons from your past-just as I did. And what demons you have! But there you are. Quiet, observant and cautious. Beautiful and intriguing in your reserve.

And then you pull a 180 and dive headlong into the training. Surprising me at all turns, learning faster than anyone... and not just learning-innovating, experimenting. The perfect student. Enthusiastic about the material but able to have fun with it. Exactly what I've needed. Exactly what I started teaching for. And then there was more, attractive and so in sync with me... it was inevitable. Of course I would become enamored with you. And yet, you dislike the way I date, and I can't have you then. So where are we?

California. A wonderous week filled with killing a few bucket list items. We're recognized by the International Krav Maga organization now. We've explored several nude beaches and our bodies... casually.. subtly with the eyes. Yes I saw you looking. Yes I looked. We know we're beautiful. Then the nightlife, the dancing. How well you move... the sheer grace and matching me. We were the perfect partners and they all could see it. You relished it. The girls envied you. Perfect. The guys envied me. Perfect.

Fun filled playing, terrible but laugh filled attempts at surfing, parasailing- the week was the best ever. And here we are at the end. Packed, ready to leave, hotel keys on the dresser. You look at me with those eyes, those gorgeous eyes of yours and I'm lost for a second... I snap out of it. I'll use my words not my eye contact. And so I begin.

Listen, I think I created you. The old voodoo priestesses would say I conjured you. That boy there, he's got the devil in him and he conjured that girl. And they're kind of right. You were born unto this world already loved. You're exactly what I've needed in my life. The perfect student and so much more. 

I bring my hand up to brush your cheek. The perfect friend when I've needed it.... So much in common, we're amazing together and yet, I'm taken. I can't stop until I know what it's like to love two, but that doesn't change what is here. I love you. But I would never do anything to hem in your freedom. You don't see the world as I do and so, our dating styles will never fit. But I can't help it. So, I will ask one thing and only one thing. Kiss me. 

I can see the surprise on your face, the joy building, the longing you have-those eyes threatening to spin me about yet again, I continue. Listen, you know me. This doesn't have to change anything with us. I love you but you don't need to say anything back. I probably won't say it again. We don't have to change what's between us ever. We don't have to talk about this. I just want to taste and know. To savor your love for the barest of seconds. And hopefully that'll be enough for me. Maybe one day, I'll see the world the way you do again and we can be the way you want to be. Just us. But I'm not there yet. So til then if there is ever a then... A kiss will have to be enough. I think you might be my ice cream truck in outer space. I love you. So kiss me.

And you smile, radiant, joyous. And I succumb and let your eyes take me. You jump into my arms, full body. I catch you. Just like when we passed our test. Just like so many moments we've shared.... but then..... our lips touch, soft at first but then so much more passionate. Hungry, desirous, my hand at the small of your back, the other at the back of your head. Pressing, pulling hair, squeezing, our bodies so close and yet never close enough. It's awakened, we know. We are each other's space faring cold treat vehicles. We're perfect. And our souls move to the walls of our bodies longing to be ever closer to their mates. And now we've found each other and we both find our values so needing to be compromised. But I've been there. I can't go there, I can't let you. If I don't discover what loving two is like I'll always wonder. I can't stop. And for that I'm sorry. The kiss isn't enough. It never was going to be. But for that one perfect moment, I can last. I can be sustained forever. Because I'll have to be.

All for a perfect moment that might never happen. You and those brilliant eyes of yours.  

///

Do You Want To?

I'm fondly recalling what's been happening over the past few days and anticipating the next few. Moved-which is a big step toward starting to make money again... and I went on a date, and I hung out with the girl I'm seeing. Guess what's really taking my attention. The women, as always. In meeting someone it's weird how it works. Mary Claire (so it must be true) says that women know in the first 5 seconds of meeting a guy whether or not sex will happen. I know just as quickly. Can't help but wonder why it's “just” women that decide that quickly.

In her frame it seems to be more negative (I've heard her talk before) like she'll only know definitely if it will never happen or if maybe one day she'll be open to it. Maybe it's a perk of my gender but I on the other hand know that it will happen. Or that it won't.

There's a something my cock reacts to... And I wonder if that's what they always meant all along when they refer to something as proper and high-minded as attraction/spark/ whatever else. A... yelp, as though it's saying “hey fucker, pay attention to me.” It really is a needy appendage. It's not a hardness though. Just a little nudge... a tingle. And I know the tingle, it can lead to hardness instantly but it doesn't have to.

But it happens and I know. Her and I will have sex.

There's something so... invigorating about talking to someone and finding the tingle unexpectedly...and then getting hard just from the conversation. And seriously just the conversation, my cock often surprises me because I rarely actually think sexually first. He leads. If that spark happens, well my dick gets impatient. Usually I force him to wait. Nothing has that much power over me and after the spark we all know it's going to happen anyway. But then escalation has to happen.. somewhere she should probably know the inevitability too. Eyes play over gently, a stolen glance that I let her catch. Does she notice? Is she receptive? It's not so much that I'm afraid or that I'm unsure. My dick has spoken and he gets exactly what he wants because he speaks another language and he knows what she wants-maybe before even she does. Now it's a matter of when. When will she rip my clothes off? How much attraction do I need to incite in her before she can't stand it? A tilt of my hips-as if presenting myself, does she notice that? What about a casual brush? Maybe the spark needs to be passed... so contact under a respectable / plausibly deniable / innocent pretext. A hand at the small of her back as I open a door, or a playful shove, or a professional handshake, or something...it doesn't matter how. Bam. Now she has the spark, she knows too.

And we dance, the masculine in me, the feminine in her. And the two are surprisingly cunning. Both just getting our prim and proper minds into it, both coaxing us into opening the cages.

Then the exhilaration comes... the anticipation. How will my dick react once the cage is open? Will it be calm? Will it be nervous, edging out of the cage slowly, taking in the room first ensuring it's safety and then proceeding gently? Will it be subtle? Or will it charge out of the cage to meet her just outside of hers? Will it throw her down and bite and claw and rip taking and giving what we both want in the same fell swoop? Or will we meet in the middle in perfect union like champion dancers?

And then the cages open, and we find out. And we let our beasts out to consume our selves and in surrendering what we are, we become something else. Something deeply primal and free!

At that moment of surrender we glimpse something... maybe true freedom. Something that hearkens all the way back to the days before the end of the garden. Before our arrogance convinced us we could ever / had ever gained the knowledge of good and evil. Before we hefted the burden of our care from the shoulders of the gods. It touches us and brings us there because as the masculine and feminine meet perfectly, creation can occur. In that moment, we are god. But that power can't be held or maintained and so the moment is fleeting. A glimpse. And it's back to the cage with our respective souls. And the moment of deep freedom and vulnerability (because that's a moment when we truly are just who we are, no pretexts or egos) is quickly covered with talk of work, or a hilarious youtube video, or some witty banter.

No the power can't be held or contained it can only be conducted for a moment. And yet there are those who try. As the chains of religion attempt the reign in the power, it will slip away-ever free. The power should be embraced/conducted for that one perfect moment and then what else is there? Why the guilt? Why the stigma? Why the arrogance to assume the will of god is known? Why anything besides that moment?

So I move forward. Happily and enthusiastically seeking the next moment with the special her that can go there with me.. it's not exactly a one person trip and it isn't just sex although the fools might think that. No this is something else. A moment to practice creation, to practice being a god. And I think I need much practice. 

A Non-Monogamist's Quick Survival Guide

Apparently my mind boner for Nicole Daedone is just huge and I'm not creative. But for any of you seeking a less extreme version of what she pursues and lives... here's what I'm doing. If you want to also try non-monogamy (NM from here on), here is a short survival guide.

Figure out what you want and be specific. I want to see if NM hurts less than monogamy. Although hurt is very subjective, I'll 'know' based on how I react (I tail spin in my life when monogamy doesn't work). I also know I get bored with even my soulmate in monogamy after long enough. So, 2 testable reasons to attempt NM. I get bored or not, and I tail spin or not in failure. Two possible confounds with boredom: I didn't keep the sex interesting/fun enough or my testosterone was unnaturally low due to a myriad of reasons. Anyway...

You're making a commitment, odd as it sounds. You're dating and becoming involved with NM. Treat her like a person. Seriously. I failed at this for someone who might just be my soulmate. What I got was a lot of pain for her, for me, and for a 3rd person. The reason I'm dating NM is to try and see if she'll help me avoid that kind of pain. Can't say yet one way or the other if she does, and you have your own reasons. At any rate to avoid leaving her realize you're new mate, NM, is very serious but demands only one simple rule be followed.

You may love anyone, you may do anything, but you cannot love JUST one.

So there's the principle, the over arching string theory-esque rule of NM. All else flows from that. If you break her rule, she'll leave and monogamy will get you. I'll keep you posted on who is the more painful sister.

Some guidelines

Some of these took me a long time to figure out. Others were given to me. Once you break a “rule”, the reasoning becomes very apparent. Cross the lines at your peril.

>Never date a co-worker, never date a neighbor, never date the close relative of a good friend.

>Never sleep with a roommate-no matter how desperate / lonely.

>Trust her, be honest, and communicate.

>Don't think you're above jealousy just because you can man-whore around effectively.

>Each girl deserves her special time with you.

>Always use safe sex.

>Get tested at least every 6 months for the most common STI's in your area (be sure you confirm it covers everything, most centers only check for a few types of infections).

>Know the symptoms and signs of common STI's for both genders-for your safety and hers.

>To avoid attachment see them no more than 3 times per week. Not always necessary, remember the one rule.

>Be a gentleman, use chivalry.  No anti-feminist weirdness, no misogyny.  Just do it.

>Be Genuine. You can only fake for so long. Life's just easier when you're genuine.

>You still have to deal with breakups. They never get easier.