29 May 2012

A Non-Monogamist's Quick Survival Guide

Apparently my mind boner for Nicole Daedone is just huge and I'm not creative. But for any of you seeking a less extreme version of what she pursues and lives... here's what I'm doing. If you want to also try non-monogamy (NM from here on), here is a short survival guide.

Figure out what you want and be specific. I want to see if NM hurts less than monogamy. Although hurt is very subjective, I'll 'know' based on how I react (I tail spin in my life when monogamy doesn't work). I also know I get bored with even my soulmate in monogamy after long enough. So, 2 testable reasons to attempt NM. I get bored or not, and I tail spin or not in failure. Two possible confounds with boredom: I didn't keep the sex interesting/fun enough or my testosterone was unnaturally low due to a myriad of reasons. Anyway...

You're making a commitment, odd as it sounds. You're dating and becoming involved with NM. Treat her like a person. Seriously. I failed at this for someone who might just be my soulmate. What I got was a lot of pain for her, for me, and for a 3rd person. The reason I'm dating NM is to try and see if she'll help me avoid that kind of pain. Can't say yet one way or the other if she does, and you have your own reasons. At any rate to avoid leaving her realize you're new mate, NM, is very serious but demands only one simple rule be followed.

You may love anyone, you may do anything, but you cannot love JUST one.

So there's the principle, the over arching string theory-esque rule of NM. All else flows from that. If you break her rule, she'll leave and monogamy will get you. I'll keep you posted on who is the more painful sister.

Some guidelines
Some of these took me a long time to figure out. Others were given to me. Once you break a “rule”, the reasoning becomes very apparent. Cross the lines at your peril.

>Never date a co-worker, never date a neighbor, never date the close relative of a good friend.
>Never sleep with a roommate-no matter how desperate / lonely.
>Trust her, be honest, and communicate.
>Don't think you're above jealousy just because you can man-whore around effectively.
>Each girl deserves her special time with you.
>Always use safe sex.
>Get tested at least every 6 months for the most common STI's in your area (be sure you confirm it covers everything, most centers only check for a few types of infections).
>Know the symptoms and signs of common STI's for both genders-for your safety and hers.
>To avoid attachment see them no more than 3 times per week. Not always necessary, remember the one rule.
>Be a gentleman, use chivalry.  No anti-feminist weirdness, no misogyny.  Just do it.
>Be Genuine. You can only fake for so long. Life's just easier when you're genuine.
>You still have to deal with breakups. They never get easier.

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